It dangled, wiggled and squirmed on the hook. It was click bait and I clicked. No pause, no hesitation. Click. Just like that.
I’ll tell you what hooked me. Mature women. They had me at the word “mature.”
Well, let’s back that up. They actually had me at “Hosin garlic noodles.” It was a recipe for a weeknight meal. When you’ve been cooking as long as I have, you need something fresh occasionally, motivation to keep dragging yourself to the kitchen one more live-long day.
When I opened the noodle recipe, “5 Eyelash Tips for Mature Women” popped up. Beside it was a picture of a woman 48 years old, tops. By my calculations, she could still have kids at home and has not filed for Social Security. But sure, let’s go with, “mature.”
Mature beats “senior.” Senior conjures up memories of high school graduation and being carded at certain establishments for proof of age. The only time I’m carded now is when I buy spray paint at Walmart.
Mature also beats the term “older adults.” I hear that and want to know, older than whom? Shall we all line up by age?
I’m not wild about the term “elders” either. It conjures up images of Walton’s Mountain with old women darning socks in rocking chairs alongside old men whittling with pocketknives.
Mature has a somewhat different connotation. Mature implies confidence. Mature hints of a refined woman who always matches her shoes with her purse and owns a vacation home along a coastline somewhere. I’m amenable to mature.
As any mature woman would do, I followed the essential steps to stop damaging my eyelashes. Step one was, “Quit using expired mascara.”
I had no idea mascara expired. This will not surprise our kids and grandkids, who check everything in our fridge and pantry for expiration dates. We tell them we don’t check expiration dates, because our eyes and noses tell us when something has gone bad. Case in point, when the sour cream grows blue green fuzzies on top, it has expired.
My mascara is not growing blue green fuzzies, so I assume it is good.
The next warning was to “Stop using waterproof lash products because they are a nightmare to get off.” I’ve never had nightmares after removing eye makeup, so, again my mascara must be excellent. I’m now two for two—not bad for a mature woman.
The last warning said: “Stop pulling out falsies.” I didn’t write it; I’m just quoting it. Clearly, they mean you should not rip out your false eyelashes.
Confident that I did not need to purchase the miracle mascara with 5,000 five-star reviews, I returned to the recipe for noodles.
A mature woman can survive without long lashes, but no woman in any season of life can survive without food.